Thinking out loud: being single

By: Z.

 -SINGLE BY CHOICE-

Sometimes, living life gets hard to do. Especially when you feel like you're missing out on something.

Well, they say you can't miss what you never had and I agree. I'm 21yo and I have never been in a relationship. I don't know what it's like so I cannot really miss it, can I? 

??? Naturally, I often think about the reasons why I am still single with no prospect of it changing. Am I too picky? Am I not pretty enough? Am I spoiled by the books I've read, movies I've watched or songs I've listened to and am looking for the perfect match? Or am I simply not meeting the right people? It's hard to tell, really. I don't know.

But what I do know is that even though I am open to the possibility of finding a boyfriend I really do not miss it. I don't really mind being single because I got used to it. After 21 years of leading a life without a sign of romance, you could probably say that I adapted. No, not having a boyfriend doesn't bother me. 

The scary part is the PROSPECT. I'm speaking about the prospect of loneliness. Judging by my experience and just life in general- how can I be sure that I will find that special someone who is going to want to be with me? Someone who will ask me out and I will want to say YES? I just simply don't know~ and that's the part that sucks. 

I have never loved a boy before and I don't know if I will ever meet somebody to love. 

“Why haven't I got a husband and children?"

 mused Greta Garbo to the Dutchess of Windsor, 

"I never met a man I could marry.”

So if you ask me if I am getting depressed or sad because I am single then NO, I am not. But there are these dark moments in my life when I keep thinking about the future and I fear that it will never change. And that is quite disturbing...

Post by: Zana